(This list is dedicated to the hard workers without time for a lunch break. And our mothers.)

        1. Crunchy

          Popcorn
          The only appropriate venue for peanuts and crackerjacks (do people still eat those?) is the ol’ ballgame. You know how annoying it is to talk to someone walking down the street on their phone with endless jackhammers in the background? This is like that, but the jackhammers are IN YOUR MOUTH.

        2. Chewy

          Pasta
          This is less annoying and way, way more gross than crunchy. With the microphone next to your food hole, it’s almost like we’re right in there with you, partially chewed soft baked chocolate chip cookie!

        3. Messy

          Sandwich
          I love a good conversation punctuated with “Oops!” “Oh, no!” “Argh, I loved this shirt,” especially when it has nothing to do with what we’re talking about.

        4. Liquid

          Soup
          The Broad City episode with Garol and her yogurt kind of sums it up for us.

        5. Any Food That Doesn’t Fit in the Above 4 Categories

          Coffee
          Look, eating is our favorite thing in the entire world, so the desire to do it all the time is understandable. But put the spaghetti down, or at least move your conversation to text, chat, or email, for all of our sakes. (Especially yours. You’re right, that was a nice shirt.)